To beginnings. The wonderful times in life to start something new. A new life, a new book, a new commitment. Plans that may never come true, but that are fun to plot anyway. For me, I start thinking about beginnings around Christmas time. How will life be like next year when Christmas rolls around again? What gifts will I make next time? I never know those answers but hold on to the thought that it will be joyous times no matter what. Family and friends will each be greeted with warm hugs and promises of prayers.
A few thoughts I have always pondered around Christmas times were : will I be driving next year at this time? Will I have met the man of my dreams and have promises of a marriage? and will my family still be together like this?
Already two of these questions are no longer ones I reminisce. I still am not driving this Christmas but it is most likely I will be by next year. I did meet my match and am married. And my family, since the last time I asked that question, had three family members leave the home within nearly a years time, including me. I never would have seen that coming and never would have imagined it, but still I couldn't help but know that we were growing up and moving on in life. If I could only have known and held on longer to those precious moments in life.
The questions I ask myself now have changed: Will I have a child, be expecting a child, or planning for one next year? Will we be living in a different apartment this time next year? and will I have completed a New Year's resolution I made from the begging of the new year? Most of the time I do not complete them or I just skip resolutions altogether. I do remember completing one once. I vowed to read over 21 books before my 21st birthday. I even have a list of the books I read that year. Other than that, no other resolutions I have made has ever been completed. Still I make resolutions. Just because I don't complete them, doesn't mean that I can't complete them. A teacher in high school once told me something I have never forgotten. "If you really want or like to do something, you make time for it." If I truly want to complete a resolution, I will make time for it. Where my treasure is, there also will my heart be. (Matthew 6:21)
I now no longer worry much about whether any of my questions I ponder or write down at the end of the year will come about next year. I pray for guidance and wisdom to carry out my duties for the next year and I know God will bring about His Providence just like every year.
I welcome a new beginning in life. New books to read, new adventures to overtake, new life to see, I do not know what life holds for me for the new year, but not knowing the moments to comes is the adventure of it all. To begin a new year is always exciting. It never feels different the with each passing day, month, and year, but in the end when all is reflected, there are differences I see in my past and there are changes that will happen in my future. And though I will still look back on the years past with sentiment, I will charge forward into my new years expecting new challenges and prospects to battle and overcome around each bend in the road.
For my new year's resolution, I plan to work harder at being organized with my time; something I struggle with daily.
I also have made a smaller resolution. I know someone who always asks me a particular question each time I visit this individual. My answer is always "no." I want this answer to be "yes." But I do not want to accomplish it because of this person or what it means to the individual, but because it is truly something that I should be doing which is good for me and helped me in my past. I dropped it and have struggled picking it back up. Due to recent circumstances in my life I have a need to do my best at accomplishing this resolution for good and not just for this year, but many more years to come.
I leave out the specifics for my own personal reasons. I merely write this down so that I won't forget and to have it here to ponder again at the end of this year.
13 years ago
